


An Inconsequential Heart

by ThreeWhiskeyLunch



Series: Time Adrift Among Open Stars [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Pining, Random Pairing Generator, Rare Pairings, a little bit of angst, a little bit of hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 17:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeWhiskeyLunch/pseuds/ThreeWhiskeyLunch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Admiral Hackett gets a gentle nudge in the right direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Inconsequential Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Steven Hackett and Karin Chakwas-whisper in the dark.

He usually arrived at night. To stand at Shepard's bedside, to wait and watch and try not to hope. To be everything that an Admiral shouldn't be-afraid, unsure, and weak. And tired. He was so tired. Not just the usual tired from lack of sleep. He was tired of the fight, of the aftermath from the war, of the demands that were made from all sides. He was tired in his bones.  
  
What he needed was a vacation or even better: retirement. Shrug off the admiralty uniform and wear rolled up jeans and a torn shirt like a beach bum. It had a certain appeal until he thought about the long days that would stretch before him, days with no purpose, with no one to need him. Then he'd shelve the idea and take himself to the hospital where Shepard's broken body was laid out, crisscrossed with tubes and wires and bandages so that she looked less like a human and more like a lab experiment gone wrong. His heart would ache for her like a father who saw his child broken, who lamented a life that had been so cruelly used and tossed from one end of the galaxy to the other. Who knew that she was this way because of him, because he asked and she said yes. And he allowed himself the small possibility that one day she'd wake up and call him a fucking ass because he never stopped demanding, never stopped commanding.  
  
He'd sit in the chair next to her bed and take her hand, quietly tell her about the cleanup efforts, the lack of resources, the impossible alliances somehow holding through it all so far. And he'd remind her that there would be plenty to do when she woke up, he'd find something for her to do if she wanted. And if she didn't want, she could steal his retirement and do whatever the hell her heart desired. Because if anyone deserved that, she did.  
  
But one time it was different. One time he arrived and the light from a datapad glowed under the bowed head of Karin- _Chakwas_ , he reminded himself-as she sat in the otherwise darkened room. For a moment his heart stopped, fear gripping him when he couldn't see the outline of Shepard's body on the bed. _She's gone_ , he thought. _She's gone and that's it._ And then he hated himself as he thought about the logistical nightmare of a funeral for the most revered person in the galaxy. He could never shut the admiral up inside him completely. His stomach churned.  
  
Karin- _Chakwas_ , damnit-looked up as the door closed behind him, taking the light from the hallway with it. She placed one long finger over her lips, rose to take his arm and guide him to a corner of the room. She leaned in close, "Admiral, she woke up today," she whispered in his ear. He looked over her shoulder to the bed, could then see the faint outline of Shepard's body and his heart restarted, his breath a slow indrawn gasp of relief. He nodded once in understanding as the doctor continued, "She's sleeping. I stayed so I could tell you myself." Her hand was still on his arm, warm and firm though the fabric of his uniform, her body just brushing against his as she whispered in his ear so that he could almost imagine her whispering in his ear in another time, another place.  
  
There was another reason he came most nights to sit by Shepard's bed. Yes, Shepard was his responsibility. Yes, she was something like a daughter to him-although he knew Anderson had claimed that privilege more than he ever could have. Yes, he cared for her. But there was someone else there, someone he could occasionally catch a glimpse of in the hallway, who he could occasionally know had been in the room from the whiff of perfume should he be so lucky. There was a reason Karin Chakwas was given free rein to serve on any ship she wanted, that she hadn’t been held for questioning after working for Cerberus, why she was allowed to stay on the Normandy. That reason was Admiral Steven Hackett. And if he had anything to say about it, Karin would never know.  
  
There were lines he would not cross.  
  
For a brief moment he allowed himself to lean into her in a way that could be misconstrued as him shifting his weight, to turn his head a fraction and breathe in the scent wafting in the air from her hair, to feel the press of her through his clothes. What he did not do was wrap his arms around her. What he did not do was kiss her forehead or think of a future with her. It would have broken him in ways the Reapers never could have if she were to brush him off. He felt too stretched thin as it was to have to worry about something so inconsequential as his heart.  
  
What he did do was turn his head further and whisper, his voice hoarse with exhaustion, into her ear, "Thank you." _Thank you for taking care of Shepard, thank you for being you, thank you for this one moment of your body sharing warmth with mine._ It was hard enough to think it, harder still to not say it all in one breathless rush of anxious words and unspoken desire.  
  
It was her turn to nod, once. Then she moved even closer to press her lips against his ear, her body even more lined up with his as her other hand rested on his chest. "You're welcome," she whispered into the dark. And turned her head to brush her lips across his cheek, light as air and sweet with longing.  
  
His eyes closed when she stepped away and before he could open them she'd left the room, the door closing softly behind her. He took a breath, and another, filling his lungs with the ghost of her that was left behind in the room. He smiled slightly, the scar on his cheek stretching as he crossed over the dark room to take Shepard's hand, the warmth of life in her fingers. Finally. _Finally_. And felt a small ember of hope spark to life in his chest.


End file.
